Brooks' mock debate

I suppose this will betray my dorky tendencies and such and so, but David Brooks' column today is actually hilarious (he should give Richard Cohen some lessons in that) and does, in fact, hit at the Democratic candidates real failings. For instance:

JOHN EDWARDS: My convictions, Tim. The American people want a president they can trust. Four years ago I went from being a centrist New Democrat to a left-wing populist because I wanted voters to be able to trust that I would stand up against the forces of opportunism in this country. Now I stand up to the megarich lawyers. I stand up to the hedge fund managers, the big spenders and the McMansion owners. Basically, I’ve been standing up to myself. And I don’t take money from Washington lobbyists. I take money from the people who hire Washington lobbyists, which means a savings of, like, 15 percent....

OBAMA: Absolutely not, Brian. If you look at this administration’s record on Iran, you see a lot of pejorative words, some of them very hurtful. We Democrats need to have the courage to counter the politics of fear by using the word “diplomacy” six and seven times in one sentence — eight, if necessary....

CLINTON: First, I want to pre-emptively agree with what everybody will say on all sides of every issue in this debate. That’s why the Republicans are so afraid of me. Second, I want to congratulate the Boston Red Sox. I’ve been a Red Sox fan my whole life....To be clear, I said that licenses for illegals was a smart idea that I oppose. There are also many dumb ideas I support and mediocre ideas I’m lukewarm about. I keep track on my iPhone*.

*=full disclosure: I desperately want an iPhone. Does this make me a Hillary supporter?